NepotismNews

Zooey Deschanel

Father was famous director. Mother an actress. Sister is famous “Bones” actress. “The New Girl” is not only sickeningly quirky, she’s sickeningly connected.

Chris “Star Trek” Pine’s dad was Robert Pine, a star of the 70’s “CHIPS.” Nepotism rears it’s ugly head again. Chris’ career may seem “Unstoppable”—but if he continues to make crap like “This Means War”, it may be. I wonder if “CHIPS” co-star Erik Estrada had any kids in the biz? Maybe an Estrada Jr. can play Khan Jr. in the next Star Trek reboot? If not Khan… maybe a sexy, Latin Klingon?

From Huff Po

“Girls” star and creator Lena Dunham may have addressed the race issue on the show delicately, but she’s not taking as kindly to the nepotism backlash.

“The whole nepotism storyline … I get it more with Allison [Williams] and Zosia [Mamet] who have dads who are kind of active in the entertainment industry,” she said. “But I really did want to challenge all the people crying nepotism to actually tell me who either of my parents were, because it’s the contemporary art world! Okay, I’m Laurie Simmons’ daughter. In one sentence, give me the concentrated version of her Wikipedia entry. You cannot! She’s had a lovely career, but she’s a feminist photographer from downtown New York.”

HEY LENA,

Tough Shit. Don’t lie—-your Mom has connections & is super rich. Deal with it.

Tori Spelling! Now that’s a gifted actress for you. No matter that her father, Aaron, was one of the richest men in Hollywood and had a house larger than some Eastern European countries. All from creating such forgettable shows like Beverly Hills 90210, The Love Boat & and T.J. Hooker. T.J Hooker, by the way, miraculously beat the Priceline commercials as the most embarrassing thing William Shatner has ever done.

Dad Aaron Spelling even gave Tori a starring role on 90210, where in most scenes, she was out acted by Luke Perry’s sideburns.

Now that her acting career is mostly on hold (thankfully), Tori and her husband, Dean, are following Rick Santorum’s advice and giving up birth control.

She does have one TV gig, though. Tori & her husband star in the reality show about their family. The show’s name is Tori & Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood. A better title would have been “Spoiled Anorexic Yenta & Vapid Canadian Who Refuses To Wear Condoms.”

And I’m sure she gets to be a stay-at-home mom when she chooses. No job with regular hours for this princess. I heard her hero was Ann Romney, Mitt’s wife, who “chose” to stay home and raise her five sons. Well, at least she’s admitted she’s pro-choice. Her husband cannot even make a choice (Except the choice to look kinda douchey)

So give it up for Tori Spelling, who has Aaron Spelling’s blood and apparently, a plastic surgeon who seems to specialize in making faces look uber-cunty.

Rooney Mara

In the past few years, the most sought after role in Hollywood was of Lisbeth Salander , the hero of “The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo.” While many big movie stars auditioned for the part, producers cast a relative unknown, Rooney Mara, in the coveted role. Problem is, Mara isn’t such an unknown. Not to football fans anyway. This “actress” is the a great-granddaughter of the founders of two historic N.F.L. franchises—the NY Giants and the Pittsburgh Steelers: Tim Mara & Art Rooney . (I’m not sure how f*ck she has the name of both grandparents-kinda creepy.)

The Mara’s & Rooneys still own these teams, which means, of course, Rooney Mara comes from money. Big money. Big, I’m really f-ing jealous of money. While the N.F.L. and Hollywood are two different entities, how much would you bet some free corporate box Superbowl seats were sent over to the “Girl” casting director in exchange for Rooney Mara’s “audition.”

Girl With The Dragon Tattoo? More like “Girl Who Won The Sperm Lottery

LMFAO—Sexy and Their Dad Knows It

If you were near any club, radio, mp3 player, or I-turd that played cheesy , safe feux hip-hop last summer, you couldn’t escape LMFAO. This group, led by DJs Redfoo & SkyBlu (great names for Gatorade Ice flavors, not so much for rappers) lit up the charts with their overplayed single Party Rock Anthem. Even though the song sounded like a something that belongs in a Zumba fitness informerical, it put LMFAO on the map. Of course, DJs Redfoo (Stefan Kendal Gordy) & SkyBlu (Skyler Austen Gordy) probably would’ve gotten there anyway. Why? Possibly because of their biological relations to Berry Gordy. You know, Berry Gordy, the guy that FOUNDED MOTOWN RECORDS. I’m going out on a limb to say that LMFAO are not as talented as the Temptations or Supremes.

Also, this isn’t the first time it happened. Rockwell (born Kennedy William Gordy) scored a hit in 1984’s “Somebody’s Watching Me.” You know the awful song that was only made decent because Michael Freaking Jackson sang the slightly catchy chorus. Gee, I wonder how they got him to do that? Oh yeah, now I remember. His dad INVENTED MOTOWN!

If you didn’t already know, LMFAO comes from text lingo & means “Laughing My F-ing Ass Off.” Which the Gordy’s kids are doing, at the expense of all unknown (& actually talented) hip-hop groups, with no family connections.

Kate Hudson

No!

was not a descendent of Henry Hudson. Perhaps you thought she was famous Rock Hudson’s daughter. (If you did, Google “Rock Hudson’s sex life” and you’ll find out quickly it was biologically impossible for this dude to procreate.)

Maybe the fact that her mother is Goldie Hawn from the unfunny 1960’s ‘Laugh-In’ and a series of very average movies for over thirty years had some influence. Not familiar with Hawn? Then rent Hawn flick ‘Overboard’ or better yet, put on TBS at 3AM any day of the week and it’ll be on.

Goldie eventually moved in with Kurt Russell (Overboard co-star), who Kate considers her actual father. A talentless actress raised by two huge movie stars and given the key to fame in Hollywood. (The worst part is, I’ll be saying same thing about Shiloh Jolie-Pitt or Suri Cruise in the year 2024.)

In the last decade, after a promising start in ‘Almost Famous’, Hudson starred in a never-ending precession of awful Rom-Coms such as “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days”, “My Best Friend’s Girl”, and “Bride Wars”. Some of these movies also starred the talentless, shirtless pothead freak Matt Mcconaughey. (Not exactly sure which ones, but I’m too lazy to check on IMDB, so just trust me.)

Also Hudson’s reverse Midas touch extended to the world of sports. She dated Alex Rodriguez, 3^rd basemen for the NY Yankees. Years ago, A-Rod was an incredible ‘five tool’ player & future Hall Of Famer. After just a few months with Hudson, A-Rod was exposed as a ‘roid head, and became a player who chokes so much in big game situations, the Yankees actually trained their first base coach on how give the Heimlich Maneuver. A-Rod is no longer a ’five tool’ player, he’s just a plain tool.

Nice going Kate Hudson. Or should I just call you Kate Hawn Russell